Charmed
by holycitygirl
Summary: J/H Thoughts


**Title**:           Charmed

**Disclaimer**:  Front Desk Admin not a TV producer, director.  I don't own anything.  

**Credits**:        Charmed; My Friend Steve

**Summary**:  J/H Their thoughts

_Oh my hair grows in a fashion makes my mother think I'm doing drugs_

_And I can only say she's mostly wrong_

_And I'm not sure how to cope with my current situation _

_In this place that I keep saying I belong_

_And I do not think I'll be_

_Discussed elegantly_

_Won't you please tell me_

_How does it feel to be charmed, worry free as can be_

_Throw the world down on their knees kissing your rings_

_Have it all handed to you, watch it all go kabloo_

_Yes I'd feel stupid too.  Aesop's job is done_

Jackie and I have a complicated history.  Most would define it as love/hate.  She loved to hate me and I hated to love her.  I pretended that I couldn't stand her.  She tried extra hard to annoy me.  And it worked.  But somehow we always ended up helping each other.  I was always right there to grudgingly lend a hand.  Jackie always needs something.  And it is kinda nice to be needed.  That's one reason why I like her.  She loves me.  She believes in me and she is hot.  And I'd list more but what more do you need?  Once this whole relationship started –back when I refused to call it a relationship – I really didn't think it would last.  I fully expected that one of us would open our mouths and sabotage the whole thing.  I'm pretty good at pushing people away.  And Jackie's pretty good at swimming on the surface of life.  I used to call that shallow –but now I realize it isn't.  It is an act.  She pretends that she is shallow to keep people from seeing the real her – cause she is afraid people won't like that person.  Most Popular of the Junior Class afraid of rejection.  It's ironic.  I still can't believe we are together.  She craves attention and I just want to be left alone.  Well mostly.  That is part of my act.  So I thought our mutual acts would stop us before we started.  But for some reason we kept our mouths shut.  Except for when we were kissing.  I guess I realize now that we have a lot in common.  Two sides of the same coin if you will.  We hide behind our image, think we are better than everyone else (for good reason) and think that polyester is a tool of the government.  And we are both now in the bad parents club.  I worry about her these days.  She is not use to doing without.  Even if her dad used money as love and her mom only showered affection mid mood swing.  They were still there.  They provided stability.  And now she is in that big house alone.  I'm not good at comfort.  I'm not that good with words.  But I'm trying to show her by being here –that I care.  I want her to know that I'm not that guy anymore.  I'm not the act.  So I hold her hand and touch her knee and don't pretend I don't notice when she's gone.  

_Brilliance comes and brilliance goes but you're the only one who knows _

_Cause__ nothing draws them in like sympathy_

_And as for all the broken ones who make their ways with poison tongues_

_The pillow they sleep on is misery_

_But you will not see m_

_Being steered to a tree_

_In this land of the free_

_How does it feel to be charmed, worry free as can be _

_Throw the world down on their knees, kissing your rings_

_Have it all handed to you, watch it all go kabloo_

_Yes deep down I'm stupid too.  Aesop's job is done._

Me and Steven have come a long way.  A very long way.  I mean he use to be hairy.  And I use to be shallow.  Okay more shallow.  I use to think that everybody had to worship you or you weren't worth anything.  That is why Steven always irked me.  I couldn't stand that he couldn't stand me.  I wanted to make him like me.  But the only time he was ever nice to me was when I was hurting.  When Michael would do some jerk thing and I'd go running to Steven.  Why did I do that?  Because Steven didn't like me.  I know that doesn't make any sense –but you see I could trust Steven.  He wasn't out to impress me like my cheerleading friends, or get me like all the jocks, or buy me like my father.  Steven just wanted me to shut up –so he would help.  Well he also did it because he's a good guy.  He'd help anyone who asked.  But don't tell him I told you that. Steven would do anything for a friend.  For someone he cares about.  He'd never ask you to be anything you weren't.  Yeah, he'd burn you and poke fun but he never means it.  That is just part of his act. I guess that is one of the reasons we understand each other.  We both play roles.  I always use to sit in the basement and wish I was Steven's girlfriend instead of Michael's.  Not because I didn't love Michael.  Back then I really thought I did – but no I wanted to be Steven's girlfriend because then I could drop the act.  I wouldn't have to be Jackie Burkhart – Miss Popularity.  I could just be me.  But Steven refused to like me.  Michael wanted me, Fez adored me, Donna and I finally bonded and Eric, well Eric's scrawny who cares if he thinks I'm the devil, but Steven always resisted my charm.  Until the day he gave in.  I had a really great summer. We didn't say much but I felt a lot.  I felt like I'd finally figured out what love was about.  It's not about who you **can** see yourself with it's about who you **like** seeing yourself with.  I like who I am when I'm with Steven.  I'm me – a little bit shallow, a little bit real.  With all the stuff that's going on with my parents I don't think I could have kept up the act anyway.  I think Steven is worried about me.  He thinks that being alone in this house is gonna get to me.  But I've always been alone in this house –and at least now I'm not alone out of it.  It's good to know he's there for me.  It's good to know I have someone I can count on.  He doesn't buy me things – he gives me stability.  He doesn't realize it but his presence comforts me.  He can't say it but he shows me love.   

_How does it feel to be charmed worry free as can be_

_Throw the world down on their knees kissing your rings_

_Have it all handed to you, watch it all go kabloo_

_Yes deep down I'm just like you, Aesop's job is done.  _


End file.
